She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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