I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
