Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
