Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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