he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am naked and annoyed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
