I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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