all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
