oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
