I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
