I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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