how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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