I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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