I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
