btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dicks are not precious.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
