So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
