Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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