God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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