Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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