I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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