My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
