idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize