kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize