"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
