he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
