I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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