Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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