Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
