just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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