They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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