The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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