I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
