TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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