alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
