I think my vagina is haunted
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
