I seem to have left my pride at pride
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
