If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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