I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
