Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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