Are we in a gay sports bar?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just cropdusted the office
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
