Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
