At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize