I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
