didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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