it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
