Your tits are I can't wait for
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
