Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
