All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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