its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
