smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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