i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
