I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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