Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
