So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
