i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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