I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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