Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
