I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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