In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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