it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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