I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
