Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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