I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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