i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i believe in u and ur pee
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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