I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
