I wish you could order shots online.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize